Thousands of mostly negative thoughts bombard our minds daily as happiness scurries for shelter. And when we make mistakes, our fearful response is, “There’s something wrong with me” or “I’m bad.” “I’m lovable” is a no-show.
Good news. In my over 50 years of counseling families, I’ve found a way to make happiness front and center stage:
Replace fear’s negativity with self-love.
It’s a revolutionary psychotherapy that melds mainstream spirituality teachings with current science: Love Infusing Fear – Therapy (LIFT). Spirituality (felt heart and love) is activated by LIFT’s Whole Breath and ushers in body relaxation. LIFT will help you…
Let’s see how it works with Jake, a fictional client, as he reflects very real and relevant issues common to hundreds of client stories.
Reclaiming Fundamental Value
At 50 years of age, Jake is a successful heart surgeon who has been struggling with depression for several years. He finally reaches out to Leon, a LIFT therapist. After completing the first of six sessions, he’s ready to address the roots of his depression: his painful divorce five years ago, his parents’ divorce when he was six, and troubling dyslexia throughout his school years.
Let’s listen in as Jake begins his second LIFT session.
“What did you find most helpful in our first session?” Leon asks.
“The eye-opener for me was realizing that basic body sensations like tightness or relaxation always happen first. Literally everything begins with body sensations. Then our emotions, thoughts, and actions follow. Who figured out this body sensation stuff?”
Leon smiles. “His name is Antonio Damasio, and one of his best books is—"
“That’s so cool!” Jake cuts in as he makes a note on his smartphone. “The other thing I didn’t realize is that fear begins to crowd out love for yourself and others in early childhood.”
“And you said that ‘I’m bad’ is the dominant belief when we make a mistake. I don’t see that. Maybe because I’ve been so successful as a surgeon. I was even awarded department chair recently.”
After a long silence, Leon leads forward and asks, “Has your success decreased your depression?”
Jake looks stunned. “Um…I’m sorry. Let me gather my thoughts.” He hurriedly brushes away a rogue tear.
“You don’t need to gather your fearful thoughts anymore,” Leon says gently. “Just let the feelings flow from your heart.”
Jake’s head tilts with a frown.
Leon continues. “You see, when fear decreases, heart-sourced love increases with self-love. Love releases tears from stuffed memories and hidden pain you’ve stored up over the years.”
“I hate to admit it, Leon, but I’m scared right now.” As tears well up, Jake whispers, “Can you help me?”
“Absolutely. Remember the Whole-Breath practice I introduced during our last session?”
Jake nods.
“Well, Whole Breath is designed to dial down fear and awaken heart-sourced love. Let’s walk through the steps together. First, sit back with your hands on your thighs and your shoulders drooped. Breathe in slowly and gently, keeping your shoulders relaxed, then pause for one second at the top of your inhale. Good job! If any thoughts pop up, just intensify the focus on your breathing. Now exhale slower and longer than your inhale and pause at the bottom for one second. Perfect.
“Next, gently inhale and pause at the top again. When you exhale, your body will gradually become more relaxed, serene, and peaceful as love begins to crowd out fear. Focus on the calm, relaxing sensation you feel and soak in it for a while. Then complete one more inhale and exhale to expand your relaxed sensation. If you don’t feel a relaxed sensation right away, don’t worry, just keep focusing on your breathing. When you’re ready, open your eyes and tell me what you’re feeling, if you want to.”
Jake slowly opens his eyes and says sleepily, “Wow, I have an incredible sensation of warmth and tingling. I’ve never experienced that with any other breath work.” Then he notices Leon’s grin. “You look like you just won the lottery.”
“I have, Jake. You successfully switched from your fear-sourced nervous system to your relaxed nervous system in only five minutes. Wait till you experience the other two Whole Breath practices I’ll teach you.”
Jake leans forward. “Whole Breath is amazing. It’s hard to believe that I could feel such deep peace that fast when five minutes ago I was so sad. How is that even possible?”
“I think you already know the answer. Did your body feel good or bad after you finished the last breath cycle?”
Jake pauses. “It felt really good and peaceful.”
“And do you think the source of the warm, tingling sensation was fear-sourced or heart-sourced?”
“It had to be heart-sourced, right?”
Leon gives Jake a high five. “Way to go! Now think about the love expanding in your heart as your fear recedes. Who would you say is the focus of that love?”
“It must be love for myself. I think I’m experiencing the ‘I’m lovable’ feeling you mentioned.”
“Beautiful,” Leon says.
“So, when you asked if my career success had decreased my depression, I started getting tense, thinking negative things—you know, my divorce and my parents divorcing. That’s the ‘I’m bad’ fear and negativity surfaced, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Leon replies. “Body tightness is a sure sign of fear-sourced negativity. Whole Breath releases the tightness and love’s relaxation fills, often accompanied by tears. Does that make sense?”
Jake sighs. “I feel Whole Breath starting to open my heart, and all kinds of things seem to be starting to fall into place.”
He leans forward and adds, “It just hit me that in church as a kid, I heard ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ a lot. I always knew it rang true, but I never really applied it to me. I’m now feeling some hope.”
Leon says, “And since love and fear occupy the same space, as fear empties, love fills. Now the body and mind are ready to replace negative thoughts with good thoughts. Next session we’ll learn this ‘replace’ process. Happiness is now flowing in.”
As Jake’s session wraps up, the stage has been set for a game-changing transformation from fear-sourced living to heart-sourced living. Jake is beginning to reclaim his fundamental value “I’m lovable.” He is well on his way to a life of sustained happiness.
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